My dad has taught me so many great lessons in life, and still, at 78 years old, he manages to challenge me with his wisdom and example.
He and my mom gave us kids a life of love, acceptance, care, and comfort. Dad’s life was nothing like that! He was given up for adoption at birth, lived in 2 broken homes, was sent to boarding school hundreds of miles away and was treated with little affection until he finally left for college.

He has gone on to become a wonderful husband, father and minister and yet, as an adult, he experienced other deep hurts and unfair treatment by significant people in his life. It is hard to imagine how this pain, injustice, and loneliness didn’t embitter my dad or bring brokenness to our home, but it didn’t. Instead, he chose to forgive. More than that, he reconnected with many of those people that hurt him and gave them a second chance.

What is Forgiveness?

In the article, “8 Ways Forgiveness Is Good For Your Health,” Amanda L. Chan writes: “Forgiveness is the act of consciously deciding to let go of resentment or vengeance toward another…who has harmed you in some way whether or not they’re actually deserving of that forgiveness. It does not mean having to forget or condone the wrongdoing committed against you.”

Why Forgive?

Forgiveness is often seen as primarily benefiting the one forgiven, and although that may be true, there is a host of benefits to the one who offers forgiveness. Science, the Bible, and personal observation tell us that forgiving can be one of the best things for us.

In fact, in the article “The New Science of Forgiveness,” Everett L. Worthington Jr. writes: “Studies are finding connections between forgiveness and physical, mental, and spiritual health and evidence that it plays a key role in the health of families, communities, and nations.”

So, why is it better to forgive?

Forgiveness Frees you from Needing to Getting Even

“Don’t insist on getting even; that’s not for you to do. ‘I’ll do the judging.’ Says God. ‘I’ll take care of it.’” (Romans 12:19 MSG)

There is a natural tendency to get back at someone offends you and make them pay for what they have done. This can come in the form of breaking off the relationship, passive/aggressive treatment or just being downright mean.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean that there won’t be consequences, it just means that you don’t have to be the one who divvies out punishment.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean that there won’t be consequences, it just means that you don’t have to be the one who divvies out punishment. In some cases, the relationship can be fully reconciled, in others, that may not be possible. Forgiveness simply gives the opportunity for the relationship to be as good as it can be.

Forgiveness Frees you to Focus on your Present and Future

“Unforgiveness is the poison you drink when someone else hurts you” – Unknown

In any sport, I hate being the scorekeeper. I have enough to think about just trying to make a basket or catch the football. When someone else is keeping score, I play better and enjoy the activity much more. Unforgiveness is a little like that because you can find yourself keeping score in relationships with people. It can take you off your game and frankly unforgiveness can be exhausting. On the other hand, forgiving removes distractions from your life and thoughts, making room for better things.

Forgiveness Frees you to have Better Physical and Mental Health

Worthington writes: “Consider that hostility is a central part of unforgiveness. Hostility also has been found to…have the most pernicious health effects, such as a heightened risk of cardiovascular disease. Forsaking a grudge may…free a person from hostility and all its unhealthy consequences.”

Forgiveness removes distractions from your life and thoughts, making room for better things.

Most people want to be healthy, and there is no lack of guidance to eat right, exercise, take supplements, etc. It’s less common to hear the benefits of addressing unforgiveness in our relationships as part of improving our health. Where unforgiveness can lead to things like a compromised immune system, heightened stress and nervousness, forgiving others as a regular practice is linked to a greater sense of well-being, happiness, and even longer life.

Forgiveness Frees you to Receive Forgiveness Yourself

“But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins too.” (Mark 11:25 NLT)

There is an injustice in being forgiven and not forgiving others – this creates tension in our conscience and relationship with Jesus who offers forgiveness to everyone. He does this by taking the consequences of people’s sin upon Himself so that justice is served. For us, forgiveness is about recognizing that God is the Judge and agreeing with his forgiveness of us and other people in our lives. When you do this, you can receive His forgiveness freely and fully, making it easier to forgive others and even yourself.

Forgiveness Frees you to Reconcile with the Person You Forgive

Often, the people who hurt us are our closest and most meaningful relationship: parents, spouses, our children, friends, neighbors, and co-workers. Although unforgiveness is always unhealthy, it is particularly altering and harmful when it is directed toward people central to our daily lives. These are people that we should be able to lean upon, trust and enjoy their company.

Where unforgiveness can lead to things like a compromised immune system, heightened stress and nervousness, forgiving others as a regular practice is linked to a greater sense of well-being, happiness, and even longer life.

Although it is not always possible to reconcile and re-establish a close relationship, forgiveness opens the door to these possibilities. It doesn’t happen overnight, but offering forgiveness changes the culture of a relationship to bridge distance, rebuild trust, and an environment of mutual care.

Forgiveness Frees you to Be the Person You were Meant to Be

“Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32 MSG)

The Bible says that we were made in God’s image. Even in the brokenness of the world, God’s purpose is to actualize us into what we were made to be. Our example is His Son, Jesus and when we look at Him, what do we see? We see a Forgiver. It’s not just part of his character, it is the entire reason he came, and it’s what he has been doing ever since. Simply said, being a Christian means following Christ and becoming like him. Learning to forgive people is a big part of that.

So to my dad and mom, Pastor Tim and Bonnie Keene, I thank you for modeling such an important and life-transforming principle to me, my family and so many others you have touched.

When Benjamin Franklin was sixteen years old, he wrote a series of essays which he published in the Courant, one of the first American newspapers, under the pen name Silence Dogood. The pen name most likely referenced Cotton Mather’s book, Essays to Do Good, which Franklin read when he was eleven years old.

One night, Franklin slipped the first essay under the door of his brother James’ printing shop, and it was well received by James’ customers and literary friends who called themselves, “The Couranteers.” Cotton Mather, the subject of the Courant’s barbs, called them “The Hell-Fire Club.”

When Franklin visited Mather at his house several years later, the old minister could not have forgotten the Courant’s attacks on him, especially over the inoculation controversy. During a smallpox epidemic ravaging Boston, Mather advocated inoculation against the disease, something he learned from his African slave. The Courant attacked Mather for his, “evil plot to spread smallpox, not prevent it.”

Chatting with Franklin as they walked down the hallway, Mather suddenly said, “Stoop! Stoop!” Immediately, Franklin walked into a low ceiling beam. As Franklin gathered himself, Mather responded: “Let this be a caution to you not always to hold your head so high. Stoop, young man, stoop—as you go through this world—and you’ll miss many hard thumps.”

Where does pride come from?

Pride first appears in the Bible in Genesis 3, where we see the devil using it to seduce Adam and Eve to sin against God. One could say that their sin did not start in the eating of the fruit, but in the pride that caused them to reach out to take it. Adam and Eve’s pride was the first of the human race, but certainly not the last.

Ultimately, pride causes us to elevate ourselves to the place of God.

Scripture recounts story after story of people’s pride and the devastation left in its wake. And still today, pride continues to reign in the hearts of humankind.

Pride lies. It deceives. It tells us that we are better than we are, that we are, “good enough” and that we deserve to be happy, whatever it costs. Ultimately, pride causes us to elevate ourselves to the place of God. We determine what is best for our lives. We control our desires and decisions. We direct the course of our life. This is the thinking pride creates.

What does God think about pride?

Proverbs 6:16–19 lists seven traits that God despises. The very first one – “haughty eyes” – is pride.
Pride is more than deceptive – it’s destructive. Its chief strategy is to slowly creep into your life while subtly diminishing your desire to honor God.

It blinds you to your actions, not allowing you to see that they no longer reflect anything other than self-love and self-promotion. Pride produces an ego that requires to be fed and soon you become your own private prison of self-deception (Galatians 6:3). Proverbs 16:18 says, “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” Pride builds you up so that you have a greater distance to fall, and fall you will.

What should our response to pride be?

See things as they are.

Ryan Holiday in his book, Ego is the Enemy writes:

“Narrative is when you look back at an improbably or unlikely path to our success and say: I knew it all along…Crafting stories out of past events is a very human impulse. It’s also dangerous and untrue. Writing your own narrative leads to arrogance. It turns our life into a story—and turns us into caricatures—while we still have to live it.”

“I am not great; God is!” When that is our view of life, we can begin to react to pride in appropriate ways.

When we choose to see things as they are, when we choose to be honest with ourselves about our gifts, talents, and our importance in life, it makes great strides in reducing our pride.

The Gospel is no fan of pride. Continually throughout the Gospel we see that our sinfulness and mistakes make us unacceptable to God, and unless Jesus covers our sin and shame with His righteousness, we will forever be away from Him.

The Gospel tells us that we cannot do it on our own, no matter how much our pride tells us we can. The only way to see things correctly is through a Gospel perspective. One that says, “I am not great; God is!” When that is our view of life, we can begin to react to pride in appropriate ways.

Four ways to react to your pride:

1. Give people permission to point out pride in your life.

Pride deceives the mind. It blinds you and makes you think everything is going great; however, when your pride is unclear to you, it is usually painfully clear to the people around you. Allow them to point out the pride in your life without fear of anger on your part.

2. Focus more on God than you do on yourself

When pride is pointed out, our first reaction can be introspection. The problem with this is that it keeps you self-focused, which is exactly what fuels your pride. Instead of spending time in introspection, spend time reading Scripture. Meditate on what Christ has done for you.

3. Pray

Prayer is a posture of humility towards God. When pride is knocking at your door, answer it with prayer. Ask Him to humble you. Ask Him to search your heart and reveal where you have let pride take over, and ask that He would, through His power, help you destroy the grip of pride in your life.

4. Remember

When God teaches you a lesson in humility – remember it! A lesson remembered is a lesson that doesn’t need to be retaught. Take those lessons and apply them to your life regularly.

Benjamin Franklin never forgot his humility lesson with Mather. In fact, Franklin later wrote to Mather’s son, “I often think of it when I see pride mortified, and misfortunes brought upon people by their carrying their heads too high.”