When Dr. Twenge asked a 17-year-old high school student what differentiated his generation from others, the student gave this response without hesitation: “People stay in more often. My generation has lost interest in socializing in person-they don’t have physical get-togethers, they just text together, and they can just stay at home.” The student’s response sheds light on the new reality facing the world today.  With much of our attention given to phones, social media, and Netflix, people are unquestionably shying away from physically connecting with others. This, in turn, is creating a paradigm shift in our thinking that is both unhealthy and contrary to God’s design for us as relational beings.

We Are More Connected And More Disconnected Then Ever Before

Monitoring the Future has conducted an ongoing study since 1976 of 8^th, 10^th, and 12^th graders examining whether they met with friends every day or nearly every day. From 1976-2000 around 50% of students reported they connected with friends this frequently. However, a significant downward trend started in 2010, and by 2014 only 25% of students reported getting together with friends daily or nearly every day.  As the number has continued decreasing each year, studies like these give us a glimpse into a rapidly growing disconnected culture that is moving people towards isolation.

However, since the beginning of mankind, God designed every person to live in relationship with others.  In Genesis 2 when God created Adam, he quickly proclaimed “It is not good for the man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18b), which led to Eve’s creation. When we cut ourselves off from others we miss out on the life-giving relationships God intended for us.  In knowing the direction our culture is headed, here are a few ways to offset the new relational norm:

1. Avoid The Social Media Blackhole

A black hole is a place in space where gravity pulls so powerfully, not even light can escape. Social media may not be that intense, but it can feel that way when you open Facebook or Instagram and keep scrolling for hours on end.  The Public Library of Science conducted a study that showed adults check their phones an average of eighty-five times a day! Social media has become an integral part of our everyday lives. While a case can certainly be argued for the positive use of social media, it often produces the opposite result. Studies have found social media usage to be directly tied to feelings of unhappiness, loneliness, and depression. The more time you spend trapped on social media the more your mental, emotional, and spiritual health deteriorates. The solution to this problem is simple…take a break! Spend a few days away from all your social media outlets.  You will be surprised at how positively this will affect your mood, health, and relationships! Cultivate a healthy relationship with social media, but spend even more time growing socially, mentally, and spiritually.

2. Leave The House

As we saw earlier, staying at home is becoming very common. This is more and more true for both students and adults alike. Why go to the movie theater with friends when you can stream a movie to your room and watch it in your pajamas? People are becoming anchored to their homes because they can get everything done through the use of technology. You can deposit checks with a snap of a picture, buy anything you need online, and even have your groceries delivered directly to your doorstep. Comfort and convenience are replacing quality time devoted to building relationships. It’s important to break this cycle and create intentional time to go out with friends and family members. According to Psychology Today, a change of scenery can drastically affect productivity, reduce stress and cause you to change habits. Be deliberate about planning to leave the house and spend quality time with those in your life.

 3. Get Plugged Into A Church

Online campuses are a new avenue for ministry in the 21st-century church. It provides an incredible opportunity to minister to those who don’t have transportation, are traveling, or just feeling under the weather.  As well, it gives you the ability to minister to people around the world.  While online campuses are excellent, it’s important to remember that watching online should not become a substitute for going to church. Being at church is where connections are made and relationships are built. Reports from both Gallup and Harvard Health Publishing have shown that attending church increases positive emotions and even leads to living longer. Whether you are a Christian or not, it is essential to be connected to a local church. Make a conscious effort to get involved by joining a small group, volunteering, and going to church events.

It is critical for us to recognize the importance of living in community and relationship with others. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.” As you develop new friendships and build on existing ones, you counter the new norm and bridge the gap of disconnectedness in our culture. You never know who God has waiting in your path to encourage you or be encouraged by you.

I still remember how I felt on my way to my first Life Group meeting. My wife Blessin and I were invited by a new friend to visit their Life Group. Essentially, we were going to a person’s house whom we’d never met, to hang out for two hours with 14 people we knew nothing about. I remember thinking to myself, “what on earth have we gotten ourselves into?”

I was scared to step out, scared to do something I had NEVER done before, but little did we know, this Life Group is exactly what we needed as a newly married couple putting down roots.

On the surface, some in the group had similar likes and interests as we did, while others clearly did not. However, all of us quickly learned that God had brought every individual in the group together to share differing perspectives, stretch our thinking and encourage each other in our walk with the Lord.

You Are Designed for Community

The reality is you and I are designed for community.  We are created to have relationship with others and steer clear of living in isolation.

Research shows that “Individuals who lack social connections or report frequent feelings of loneliness tend to suffer higher rates of morbidity and mortality, as well as infection, depression, and cognitive decline.”

Social isolation increased people’s likelihood of death by 26 percent, even when people didn’t consider themselves lonely.

According to the BBC, “Chronically lonely people have higher blood pressure, are more vulnerable to infection, and are also more likely to develop Alzheimer’s disease and dementia. Loneliness also interferes with a whole range of everyday functioning, such as sleep patterns, attention and logical and verbal reasoning.”

Additionally, “social isolation increased people’s likelihood of death by 26 percent, even when people didn’t consider themselves lonely.”

Some would argue that in 2017, social isolation really isn’t a problem. After all, we can have hundreds of friends/followers on different social media outlets, and within mere seconds connect with people on the other side of the world, yet most of us know very little, if anything, about our neighbors next door.

We see selective snapshots of people’s lives on Facebook and feel like we are keeping up with our friends. However, we are not truly connecting with others; we are just processing information.

Information without an emotional connection leads to a false sense of community. This façade of connection does not fulfill the need for personal relationship that God has planted in every one of us, and this leaves us in a worse spot than before. At least before social media, social isolation was easier to detect. In today’s culture, we can be in social isolation without recognizing it.

The Benefit of Community

The writer of Hebrews had this plea for us in Hebrews 10:24-25 “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another.”

This writer understood thousands of years ago, what is still true today, relationships are integral for humanity to thrive. It serves as an avenue to give and receive encouragement.

It’s true, you can encourage someone through an email, DM (Twitter), PM (Facebook), etc., but those mediums limit you from seeing the entirety of a person’s journey. Communication is more than just words; it involves a whole spectrum of physical and emotional cues that you cannot get from simply reading a text.

Communication is more than just words; it involves a whole spectrum of physical and emotional cues that you cannot get from simply reading a text.

Meeting face to face is a critical component for authentic community.  Although there is a host of benefits community provides, there are two that are invaluable.

First, meeting regularly with others shows us there is more going on in the world than meets the eye.  In other words, being alone lends itself to tunnel vision where all you see is your pressing situation in a given moment.  Meeting with others allows us to share in their challenges, defeats, joys, and victories, which opens our eyes to a world much bigger than what we can experience on our own.

Secondly, authentic community helps us recognize we are not alone.  Others have experienced similar situations to what we might be going through and in turn, can help encourage and guide us through challenging times. We also have valuable experiences which we can use to help others during difficult seasons.

Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 1:4, “He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.”

We must be connected with others because it creates a tremendous impact not only on our lives but in the lives of others.

Two Ways to Build Healthy, Godly Relationships:

1. Join A LIFE GROUP, or whatever it is called at your church. Life Groups consists of 12-14 people in the same stage of life who meet regularly to encourage and build each other up in their walk with the Lord.

You might be wondering, what do these Life Groups do when they get together? It typically involves a time of hanging out and catching up, followed by discussing the latest sermon and prayer. Often times groups even get together and strengthen relationships through fun activities.

If you live in the Springfield Missouri area or are interested in seeing how we do Life Groups, we’ve made It easy to get connected and have listed all the available groups along with information about the leaders here.

2. VOLUNTEER! Volunteering in a ministry area opens the door for you to build relationships. Think about it, when you are working side by side with others to achieve a certain goal, it’s going to bring you closer together. So where do you start?

Talk with your church leaders to find out. At James River Church, your first step is to take the Connection Class. This class will cover all the different areas you can serve at the church and help you to discover where your abilities will fit in best with the ministry! The Bible says “In His grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well” (Romans 12:6a).

You have gifts that God wants to use to build His kingdom, and you will find you are most fulfilled when you are using your talents and abilities to serve the Lord by serving others. Plus, you will meet some pretty great people along the way! To sign up for the Connection Class, or to see more on the volunteer ministry at James River Church, click here.

An African proverb puts it this way: “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”

Are you engaged in community?